Flood of Emotion

I am emotionally flooded right now.  My soul feels like a small fish swimming in a large ocean.

When you stand at the edge of the ocean and realize how small you are, you realize how fragile you are, how totally temporary, and you wonder if you matter.

I am on the edge of a major professional milestone.  I can see the end. This is good, and yet I do not even know how to feel.

I have spent the two years gestating, growing, birthing, nursing, feeding, loving... everything but me. 

I am out of touch with my passion, my fire.

I have mastered naps, baby schedules, and development. Those things are only part of me though. My exhaustion and my tasking has left me sort of empty.

I seek many many things that I think will fill me. Nothing seems to feel right, or wrong, or inbetween.

I am very confused, and feeling very small and empty, even though my arms have never been as full as they are today.

I press into my Savior in hopes that He alone will save me from myself.

Two sets of twins!!!

Did you read that and mentally GASP because you thought maybe Lisa was having more twins?

Sorry to dissapoint, but I am not with-child in any sort of way. (Unless you count a dissertation as a child, because then YES! I'm expecting!  My 120 page APA formatted child should be born any day now.) 

Anyway, two sets of twins is what I am confessing to you to be a secret fear of mine. I think I have good reason, and I will explain.

About two years ago,  right before my twin pregnancy I started getting these nagging feelings about twins.  I saw twins every where, heard about twins, saw twins on billboards, in movies and get this- I dreamed about twins.

I talked myself out of the ridiculousness that this was some "sign."  I mentally debated whether signs were real, and whether God would actually speak to me. Meanwhile, I dreamt about a set of twins, and in my dreams I could never see their faces, but I was usually holding their hands and we were on a beach.  I knew they were mine.

I would recount this to my husband who blamed my active imagination and reassured me we would only have one baby at a time.  This situation warrants a big fat:  Itoldyouso!!!!

Now that we have twins, I keep seeing/hearing/thinking about people randomly having two sets of twins.  I'm scared dear readers, really really scared. How could one body pump out four babies in two pregnancies? What if this will be our life??? How will I survive?

I might not survive. really, I would probably perish from the lack of sleep, or they would breastfeed me into oblivion.  The divorce rate for parents of multiples is high too.  (think: Jon and Kate plus 8, Jon went crazy, Kate was a Nazi. And I really can get understand and sympathize with why that all happened).

Please notice this mom's bad post-baby haircut and mom jeans. I WILL NOT BECOME THIS!

So, please if you care about me, stop mentioning me having more twins.  This idea is stalking me and for now I'll be taking precautions by staying an arms length away from my husband at all times.

Psychology

Being a Psychologist is really cool. I get to hear lots of people talk about lots of stuff. It's a rare window into the private view of a person's world.  I consider it a real privilege. seriously.

Another cool thing about being a psychologist is that people ask me questions all the time regarding  stuff like : how to deal with their psychotic mother-in-law, their neurotic tendencies, a crazy dream, relationship issues, parenting questions, criminal profiling, medications... etc.  Sometimes I can answer some of these questions, sometimes not.

I love psychological dialogue so I will be writing a weekly column about some psychology topic that YOU want to talk about.  I need your help though, I need you to email me (see the link to the left of this sentence) about something that you have always wondered about or need advice on. I will then respond to your (anonymous and disguised) question with some information, and maybe even some humor.

Ok readers, think now about the insane dream you had once, your "friends" weird shoe fetish maybe? how about your crazy neighbor who watches you from behind her mini-blinds? No topic is off limits. Bring on the crazy!  Email me and your question may be the next featured topic of this blog!